Father Figure

A few weeks ago I was upstairs in my house and I looked out into my back yard and saw my oldest son practicing soccer. He was working tirelessly on his foot skills – something I suggested he do if wanted to get better. Next year he is going to have to try out for the traveling team where they begin breaking kids up by their skill level. I stood looking out the window - for a period of time I can’t recall - just watching him and hoping the moment would last forever. I found myself wishing that I would always be able to look out my window and see my children playing in my backyard. The more I think about my relationship with my children one thing becomes clearer and clearer to me, my relationship with them is selfish; it is as much about me and as it is about them.

I think that most people with children want to be viewed as a good parent. Let me repeat that, most people with children want to be VIEWED as a good parent. We want our friends to think well of us. We seek reassurance from our peers that we are a good parent – “Oh look at what a great father BDP is, he coaches his son’s soccer team.” We are incapable of thinking that we are anything but the perfect parent. What are our true motivations for wanting to be good parents? Is it truly for the sole benefit of our kids or is it something else. I am suspect of what my true motivations are because I don’t trust myself when it comes to things like this. It is far too easy to allow our own selfish pride to steer our decisions. Why do I want my son to be a good soccer player? He simply loves playing the game, it doesn’t really matter to him who he is playing against. Do I want him on the “A team” because it is better for him or for me?

We all want great things for our children, to go to the best schools, to be the best athlete and to have lots of friends. Why do we want these things? Do we want them because it is really best thing for them or do we want them because how these things reflects on us? Sadly I suspect far too often it is the latter rather than the former. I am guilty of this. I don’t read to my kids as much as I should, I don’t play with them as much as I should, I don’t have nearly as much patience with them as I should and I don’t love them as deeply and honestly as I should. I push them to succeed in areas in which I have failed. My children deserve better. I am not perfect and I can never hope to be. The one thing I must do is make sure they know that they do have another father who is perfect in every way.

God please help me, help me be a better father. I know I can’t do it on my own.

BDP