Turning Ten

When I was in first grade I had a friend named Jeremy who I used to discuss Jesus with. He was raised Baptist and I was raised Catholic. Jeremy was much more religious than I was or at least that is what I believed at the time. I remember vividly a conversation that I had with Jeremy about heaven and hell. Jeremy told me that kids who die before the age of ten do not go to hell (presumably because they are unaware of their sins). I hung onto this this piece of information and took comfort in it until I turned ten. I remember that is when I really started to worry. I felt as though I had lost my free ticket to heaven.

As I reflect back on this I realize that what I was concerned about was not being able to live up to the standards God had set for me. I felt as though it was an impossible task and I was destine to fail and I would never be allowed to enter Jesus' kingdom. I look around at people in my life and see that they live thier life much closer to God's wishes than I could ever hope to. I continued to carry this burden throughout my entire life. I am a sinner. I make the same mistakes over and over again seemingly never learning from my failures. In my professional life it is okay to makes mistakes as long as you learn from them and don't repeat them. My parents raised me to learn from my mistakes. Why can't I follow through on this in my duty to Jesus? My duty to him should take priority over everything else. I have rarely wrestled with my faith in Jesus but I am constantley wrestling with his faith in me (the irony of that statement is not lost on me). Shouldn't he have given up on me by now?

The answer is so simple. I cannot save myself. This is an absolute truth. Is is worth repeating. I CANNOT save myself. I find it necessary to remind myself that Jesus forgave Peter. There is a ticket to heaven and in order to get it all I have to do is give myself to Jesus completely. What better news could there be!

BDP