Last night, while my wife and I were praying together, I repeated a request that I have made so often to God -- "Lord, please show me your plan for our lives." Let me start by saying that my wife and I do not pray together as often as I would like. This is my fault. I am always so busy "reading" or checking off things on my to do list (see Busyness Post) that we can never "find the time." For as long as I am alive, I will be in continual confession about that...
Anyway, it occurred to me this morning the mistake I have been making when asking God for His plan for my life. The implication of that request is that I should be doing something. More than that, the implication is that I can do something. My secret hope when I have been praying for him to "show me Your plan for my life" is that he will give me some kind of "project" that I will be able to accomplish and be prideful about. Yet how ridiculous and arrogant is my assumption? During the sermon on the mount, Jesus commands us to "be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matt 5:48). Why would He ask this of me if He knows I will fail? Is he trying to condemn me like Sisyphus to repeat my hamster cycle of trying and failing? As DRP noted this morning, we can never do the things we 'ought' or 'should' do. Actually, I believe God is revealing the futility of my own efforts and my flesh's utter weakness. By exposing my inability to perform, he reveals to me the power of his Grace. "When you become a Christian you are given the moral perfection of Christ. God will no longer reject or punish you for your imperfections." - Richard Winter. Thank the heavens! He releases me from the trap of my own self-salvation project through the gift of his Grace. He frees me from the anxiety, stress and constant discouragement of relying on my works at which I am doomed to fail.
The Gospel also provides an answer for this question about "His plan for my life." I think he already HAS shown me the plan for my life. Since, it is NOT to be perfect (He makes it clear that it impossible), instead I am supposed to give up on my selfish hopes of having something I can accomplish as the basis for my salvation and do two things: 1) to love Him with all of my heart, mind, and soul and 2) to love others as myself. As Paul David Tripp observes, he has called me to hold onto my life with "open hands" -- not to cling to false idols like money, power, success, but prepared to give them up the moment he calls me to service.
Recalling how Jesus first called the disciples, walking along the shores of the sea of Galilee, he comes upon Simon and Andrew casting their nets for fish. Mark writes "'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and i will send you out to fish for people.' At once they left their nets and followed him.'" (Mark 1: 17-18)
I don't believe God is promising them perfection in this life (for that is impossible until we are in heaven). Instead, God's call is to humility, worship and love. I will NEVER be prepared to hear it if I am caught up in my own prideful projects since I will be so preoccupied by my own work that I won't be willing to "leave my net." If God appeared to me in the next hour and said "CPP, I want you to serve my people in Africa. It will be a thankless task, full of hard work and bitter disappointment, but it is what I want you to do" How would I respond? Would I be willing to drop my career and my comfortable life for His glory? Or would I continue to pursue my own ambitions? More realistically, if He appeared before me and said "CPP, I have put you exactly where you are for a reason. I don't want you to be anywhere else. I want you to love and serve all those who you come into contact with -- share the hope of the Gospel and love Me." Would I be OK with that message too? Knowing that "nothing" might actually change (although change is inevitable) and that I am already in the circumstances that God has designed for me? Would I be disappointed that my own dreams and hopes for my life are not being fulfilled -- no fancy car, no new apartment, etc. or would I rejoice at the opportunity to serve for His glory right where I am?
Tonight (if I can "find the time"), my prayer will be:
Lord, Please give me the courage that comes only through faith in You to remain open to whatever Your Plan continues to be for my life. Help me to forsake the selfish hopes and dreams that I cling to in my prideful heart and replace them with Your hopes and dreams for my life. Help me to stop looking for the next project and instead to serve out daily the mission of loving You and Your children. Thank you in advance for forgiving me my failures even in this attempted service.
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